oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
