May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
