If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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