Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
