but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want her autograph on my taint
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize