i permit you to call me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
