Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
His nipple licking is glorious
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