Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
