wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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