I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
