You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
