what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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