Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
