You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
