We're like a lot better than the average bears
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
