you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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