i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
