literally had 100 drinks last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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