i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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