I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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