I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
