I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
