If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
