Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
