Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
