It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
