by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
