i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
