I just saw a hot homeless man
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
