you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
