So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
