i think i have two assholes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
