I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
