the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize