I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
