how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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