Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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