I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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