He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
