i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
