Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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