The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need mimosas to revive my soul
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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