I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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