its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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