I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
