I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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