This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
