so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
