You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
