I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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