the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
