she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
