I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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