After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Congratulations! We have a period
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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