i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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