Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
