I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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