oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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