If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had sex on a roof
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
