we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
