so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
