i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
