We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
