No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You took a bar mat shot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
