if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
