Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
