my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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