so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
