I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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