If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
